Thursday, September 9, 2010

Who I want to be

I have been thinking a lot lately about the word bold and what it means. I have been thinking a lot about what it would mean in my life to be bold and how it would change things if I were, more often than not. Now I am not shy by any means. I have a big mouth and have been known to talk A LOT. But I would not refer to my self as bold. I guess I should define what I mean by bold. Since I became I Christian I have always wanted to be the girl who would witness to people anywhere, at the store, post office, restaurant. To be so filled with the Holy Spirit that the love of Christ just overwhelms me and I just have to share about Him. Now hear me in this. I do believe there is a way to do this. I don't believe in shoving Jesus down the throats of people but I also believe that we come into contact with people everyday that are hurting that so need to hear about His love and grace and if we would just speak up a little they may, through us get that message. It just takes a little boldness. It took boldness for a nurse at a rehab to share Jesus with me and pray with me even when she probably wasn't supposed to. It was boldness that led a houseful of women to share the love of Christ with me even when I made it abundantly clear I was not about to pray to their God. It was boldness that led a women to tell me to put my big girl panties on and get over it, that put the spark in me to finally want to break free. It was boldness that led them to make those choices, to share those things with me and because of their boldness I am who I am today. My prayer to God since the beginning of my walk with Him has been Lord make me bold, help me step out of my comfort zone and reach those that need to be reached. That is what I really think this is all about. God is asking me as of late to step out of my comfort zone and I have no idea what that looks like but I know it's going to get messy. Messy in a good, God glorifying way but messy indeed. He's asking me to take risks, be fearless when I see someone who looks like they are having a bad day and let them know that someone cares, even if it's just a smile and a nod. Let me tell you a quick story:

I was at Walmart one afternoon, with my daughter. It had been a miserable trip. She was throwing a FIT, I was trying to get her buckled in the carseat but she was doing the whole body clench and I couldn't get her buckled. I finally got her strapped in enough to where she was safe and contained, shut the door and breathed a sighed of relief and did everything I could not to burst into tears. This woman in an SUV had been watching me the whole time and she started to drive over to me. I was just waiting for her to tell me that I needed to spank my kid, or take her to a shrink or some other rude remark like I had been getting over the last couple of weeks (we were having a few weeks of public fit throwing) Anyways she rolled down her window to speak and I held my breath. Then she said the sweetest words to me, "Do you need a hug" I couldn't believe it. No berating my parenting tactics, no telling me to spank my kid, just asking if I needed a hug. She was so sweet. She said she was waiting for her kids and had been watching us. She said she used to have fights like that with her daughter when she was young. she told me I was doing the right thing and that it was all going to be okay. Turns out two months later I was in a bible study with the Walmart parking lot lady..... PRAISE GOD!!!!

It's things like that. Had she not been bold enough to drive over to me, I probably would have stood there in the parking lot feeling like a failure. It had been a miserable few weeks and everywhere we were that my daughter would throw a fit someone would say something to me that would just make it worse. This woman really was Jesus with skin on when she sat with me. That is the kind of woman I want to me. Jesus with skin on. Bold for Him to step out of my comfort zone and reach out to people, to sit with them, on the hilltops or in the gutter. Jesus was bold, John the baptist was bold, Peter was bold and Paul was bold. I want to be like that, I want to be radical, bold, without limits, without bounds, reaching those that may have never heard about Jesus. So that is my prayer..... to be BOLD, to step out of my comfort zone and reach people for Jesus.

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