Thursday, July 15, 2010

So July is another one of those months that causes great reflection within my soul. Abigail was born in July, the 27th to be exact. July 28th 2005 marks the last time I ever used methamphetamine or cocaine, and is also the day that I moved from Kansas to Florida which started the chain reaction of events which eventually led to my salvation and current faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ. Right now it's the middle of the night, I am at work and it has been a rough night, I am tired and really need more coffee but have just realized that I passed the point of no return for having coffee. I keep thinking about all the things in my life that are changing. It's all for good, all to grow me up and grow me closer to my savior but all involve some fire and some uncomfortable emotions and processes. God said to me back in October of last year that He was going to do a work in me and He wasn't kidding when He said that. I just didn't know how much of a work it was going to be. I didn't realize that it was going to impact every area of my life. I didn't realize that it was going to change every friendship I had. I had no idea when I held my arms up to Him at that conference last October and "Yes, Lord, Save me" what exactly He was going to do. I am grateful... SO grateful. I cannot even believe that girl I used to be. But that is PROOF right there of the power of a miraculous, life changing Lord.
July 27th, 2005. We were getting ready to move to Florida. Abigail's father and I knew that if we stayed in Kansas we were never going to get clean. Knew that there was no hope for either one of us if we stayed in a place where everyone we knew got high. I don't know if we really thought we were going to get clean, or if somewhere in the back of our minds we knew we just move to Florida and continue to use. I had every intention though that night of going out with a bang, no matter if I planned on using again or not. With every line that I snorted that night I felt myself slipping further and further into an emptiness that I thought I was killing with the drugs. I didn't want to let them go, butI didn't know any other way out. I hated drugs but loved them at the same time. They had been my best friend but yet my worst enemy. I was an addict in every sense of the word and lived my life addicted for a very long time. That night was the beginning of the end. I wouldn't ever pick up meth or cocaine again. I would continue to drink and smoke pot. But God was starting his work in me, beginning to pursue me and started the plan in motion of getting me where He needed me for His ultimate purpose. I kind of got off track with this but I think my point was is who I was, was someone who couldn't go a day without getting high, someone who would have done ANYTHING to get drugs. Now I CANNOT go a day without Jesus, I CANNOT go a day without His Word, I CANNOT go a day without being on my face before Him because I love Him so very much. He began a work in me that July 28, 2005 and it just goes to show beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is who He says He is and He does what He says He will do. He is a God who lo ves His children and a God who doesn't want to leave ANY ONE of us where we are. He can use ANY ONE of us for His purpose and ANY ONE of our stories.....
Now I only have an hour left of my shift and must spend it trying to stay awake :)

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